Throughout the 20th Century, there were many waves of feminism throughout the world. First were the waves that helped give women the right to vote and changed laws around property ownership. Later, feminist leaders helped bring about equality in the workplace. Today, women all around the world owe much to the progress made by these voices of the past.

But now, as we find our feet in the 21st Century—and especially at the beginning of the year 2012, which holds so much symbolic meaning for many people—the role of women in society is evolving yet again. We have made great strides in protecting the rights of women at a legal level, but many women have not yet fully come to embrace who they are, both within society and within themselves. In so many books and popular media, we hear the word “empowerment” tossed casually about, but all too many women have struggled to become that “empowered” woman they once imagined would bring them happiness. In trying to become what they’ve been told they should strive to be, they often push themselves through decades of stress, feelings of helplessness, lack of self-esteem and even self-abuse in the form of addictions, eating disorders or dysfunctional relationships. These days, many women are beginning to realize that trying to become an “alpha female”, in competition with the so-called “alpha male”, is not the answer to life’s problems.

Author Mal Duane knows all about this struggle. When she was a young woman, she battled with alcohol dependency, low self-esteem and abusive relationships. But these days, Mal is a happily married and highly successful entrepreneur in the real estate world, as well as a coach and author. In her work as a certified recovery coach, has helped hundreds of women find the path to “empowerment” without sacrificing their femininity and natural personality. In fact, it is within these very things that true empowerment lies. She calls this type of woman—markedly different from the “alpha female”—an “Alpha Chick”.

In her new book, Alpha Chick: five steps for moving from pain to power, Mal shares her reflections on what her own life as an Alpha Chick is like:

“Living my life as an Alpha Chick, I am aware now of my true potential and purpose. Self-awareness and serenity are my reality. Most of the time my life runs like a finely tuned piece of machinery, with all parts working in harmony with one another. I am no longer pulled in conflicting directions. I begin each day knowing and loving the woman I am. I appreciate everything I have: my husband, my health, my homes and my work.” (Alpha Chick, page 161)

The book Alpha Chick: five steps for moving from pain to power is celebrating its official Amazon launch on Tuesday February 14th, 2012.

Mal says she chose Valentine’s Day because she “wanted women to give themselves the gift of self-love by buying themselves the book on that day.”

On Valentine’s Day, you can buy Mal’s book, and receive a great collection of FREE gifts, including a free class from Mal where she will PERSONALLY take you through the five Alpha Chick steps of “F-A-I-T-H”, so you can apply them in your life easily and quickly.

To register for a launch reminder,
so Mal can let you know when the book and free gifts are available, just go to:
http://alphachick.com/book-launch/pages/pre-launch.html

When you register, you’ll also receive a FR*EE pass to

The Alpha Chick Telesummit

Feb 7th, 8th and 9th, 2012

12pm Pacific; 3pm Eastern; 8pm UK; 9pm Europe

A FR*EE 3-Day Online Event

With a Panel of Leading Experts

on How to Awaken Your Alpha Chick Consciousness

If you cannot make the live event,

register anyway so you can download the MP3s.

I have the great pleasure of being one of 10 guest speakers on the 3-Day Alpha Chick Telesummit, where we’ll be discussing out to awaken, find and actualize your natural Alpha Chick consciousness. I hope you’ll join Mal, me and this illustrious panel of guests for this great online event:

• Mal Duane – Certified Professional Recovery Coach; author of Alpha Chick: Five Steps for Moving from Pain to Power
• Lynn Serafinn – Coach; marketer; author of The 7 Graces of Marketing and The Garden of the Soul
• Christine Kloser – award-winning author; mentor to transformational authors and conscious entrepreneurs
• Paula Tarrant – Transition/transformation coach for women; Founder of Inspired Women Work
• Auriella ONeill - teacher, empowerment coach, radio host
• Dr. Joe Rubino – personal development trainer, success & life-optimization coach, bestselling author
• Brenda Adelman - MA in Spiritual Psychology, forgiveness coach, recipient of a Hero of Forgiveness Award, an award-winning actress
• Krystalya Marie’ – Energy healer for body, mind and spirit
• Lissa Coffey – Lifestyle and relationship expert, author of What’s Your Dharma and 5 other books, founder of CoffeyTalk.com.
• Chaney Weiner – Media expert, authority on human potential and personal development, founder of the Chaney Institute of Human Potential

To find out more about this event, go to

http://alphachick.com/book-launch/pages/telesummit.html

When you register, you will also receive a “launch reminder” for the book.

I do hope you’ll check out Mal’s book Alpha Chick on Valentine’s Day, and I’ll “see” you at the Alpha Chick Telesummit on February 7th!

He shared how he gets sucked into the energy and goes into explaining and defending himself against this ‘tyrant’ in order to try to calm him down.

I understand why he does that.

It’s scary when someone comes at you with energy backed with anger.

Your mind may try to grasp the thought that, he’ll never really hurt me.

But do you really know this to be true?

You can’t be reasonable with an unreasonable person who is attacking you verbally.

They can’t hear it. They don’t think reasonably like you.

Okay, I have a very strong opinion on this and I’ll tell you why.

I’ve lived it. It was scary. I know the potential for violence is there.

In 1995 my father shot and killed my mother.

As far as I know he didn’t lay a hand on her for the 20 years preceeding the shooting.

Was he emotionally violent to her? Absolutely.

Did I ever in my wildest dreams think he would kill her? NO!

I could not comprehend that. This was my father, whom I loved.

I thought he loved me too much to harm my mother.

I was wrong.

And after my mother died, but before he went to prison, his anger started being directed at me.

What did I do?

What do you do when a parent accuses you? Blames you? Belittles you? Dismisses you?

Do you stay and take it?

Do you deny the behavior and through wishful thinking believe it will get better?

I did both…until I could no longer be a doormat.

I did both…until I started to believe in myself and my right (just because) to happiness, peace and equanimity in my life.

I had to let go of the belief system that made me listen to someone abusing me when I really wanted to run.

I had to let go of the belief that someone else’s well-being is more important than mine and that somehow I didn’t have a right to stand up for myself.

There was a dance…a few years of an on again off again relationship with my father.

During this time I felt small and insignificant.

Through study and hard work I learned that I was enough and no one, especially a parent, had a right to belittle me.

I had to learn to love myself and respect myself enough to set healthy boundaries.

I had to let go of my victim story.

When I did I was able to make the decision to take my father to court for the Wrongful Death of my mom.

I stood up to him in public. I had to.

I sought accountability for what he did to my mother.

He skipped town and didn’t show up for court.

He never contacted me again.

I had to find peace within without getting answers from him and without him showing remorse.

That, coupled with my doing intensive therapy, forgiving my judgments of my father and myself was the best thing to happen to me.

I was able to move on.

I was able to move out of the inertia that took hold of my life.

I was able to find the love of my life and have a loving family based on trust.

It took me a few years to let my guard down completely with others.

I could once I learned to trust myself and make decisions based on that trust.

So I ask you…do you shrink, lash out or leave when the energy of anger comes your way?

You know my choice.

In the loving,

Brenda

You might say, “Nothing”. Aren’t we taught to be tough -especially men?

Then as you go below the surface you may think

• I’m afraid that no one really sees me
• I’m afraid that I’ll never meet my soulmate
• I’m afraid I’ll always be alone
• I’m afraid I’ll die alone
• I’m afraid that it will always be a struggle to make ends meet
• I’m afraid that I’ll never get ahead
• I’m afraid that I’ll never lose this extra weight
• I’m afraid that I’m not healthy
• I’m afraid to be a burden to anyone
• I’m afraid that no one really cares
• I’m afraid that I’ll never reconcile with my sister/ brother/ mother/ father/child
• I’m afraid my parent will die before I let go of my anger toward them and I’ll feel guilty
• I’m afraid I don’t know how to raise my kids to be productive human beings
• I’m afraid because I can’t control them
• I’m afraid I’ll never find my voice or my place in this world
• I’m afraid I’ll never write that book
• I’m afraid to speak up because my friends and/or family won’t accept my Truth
• I’m afraid to be myself because no one will like me if they really knew me
• I’m afraid no one will ever love me
• I’m afraid to open my heart and get hurt again

The list really goes on and on.

I believe that lasting healing can only come forward when we look our fears (the ones below the surface) in the face, own them, witness them with compassion and gently forgive the judgments we hold about them.

This brings freedom.

I witness this with my coaching clients and it inspires me to go deeper.

There’s a feeling of living in the duality of this world (good/bad and right/ wrong) while at the same time easing into the Truth of the Oneness of everything.

Like Rumi’s quote says, “Out beyond ideas of right-doing and wrong-doing there is a field. I’ll meet you there.”

That’s the place I feel best.

Article Source: http://EzineArticles.com/?expert=Brenda_Adelman

I didn’t learn how to forgive in grade school. There were no practical steps or techniques that were introduced into my world. If anything, it was the opposite.

I was bullied in 9th grade. Adults I sought out for help, told me to stand strong against the senior who was bullying me. I wasn’t told to forgive her or try to find compassion for her or myself. Instead, I felt like my needs were invisible and I gained weight because I stuffed my fears with food.

I didn’t know how to look within for strength. I didn’t know how to love myself. The adults around me didn’t know how to instruct me in these ways either because I now know that they didn’t love themselves either! So I shrunk away while I gained weight and tried my best to become invisible.

When my philandering father left my mother the first time, I was eleven. There was no example there of a forgiving heart. Not from my mother or my father. Instead, like so many separating partners, they blamed each other for their unhappiness and disappointments. Inexplicably, one day, they decided to get back together. The reasons were never clear. As an adult I know realize it was because of a complicated mix of co-dependence, obsession and fear of not having enough money. Was there really love there? Maybe.

Forgiveness came to me later in life. I was forced to learn the skill because life got too difficult to bear otherwise. My parents’ “unforgiveness” of each other and themselves manifested itself through their inner and outer rage, which culminated when my father fatally shot my mother in 1995.

I didn’t forgive him at the time. I hated him. He had deprived me of my mother and remained unrepentant. My life was spiraling out of control.

Through many years of painful and difficult unconscious living, which led me to deep inner-work, I would learn how I could love him again. I had to find a way to make peace with my love for him (and myself), while deploring his unrepentant behavior. It was necessary for my own healing, so that I could continue to love the part of him that lived on as me.

My forgiveness-work was selfish at the start. It wasn’t because I was a saint. Learning how to forgive and practice it, made it possible for me to move out of my depression and apathy about life. It opened the doors for me to start living again. It brought true and lasting love into my heart.

This journey had an unexpected aspect to it. As I forgave my father, I realized I had to forgive myself as well. Why? I had hated myself internally for ever trusting or loving this man. My distrust and hatred for him meant that I feared that I could not trust myself to make wise decisions ever again. How could I meet a loving partner when the man I loved most in the world betrayed me? While I didn’t fully understand the “why” or “how”, I felt the need deep within me to come to a place of complete forgiveness, for him as well as for myself.

Forgiveness-work takes place on many levels. There are those people who naturally know how to forgive. There are people who want to forgive because they know they will ultimately become free of the pain they constantly inflict on themselves through “unforgiveness”. There are those that are not ready to forgive, don’t want to forgive or who have just never been introduced to the concept; yet they have something inside them whispering and moving them towards a new beginning.

If you are among those who may have never been introduced to the concept of forgiving others or forgiving yourself, I am here to say there is hope for you and those in your life whom may be living with the harm of “unforgiveness”.

In 2001, I made a conscious decision to forgive my father. I took steps towards setting a healthy boundary by taking him to court for the wrongful death of my mother. Now, you may think that my suing my father in open court sounds spiteful, but far from it. Forgiving does not mean allowing someone to hurt you. It doesn’t mean that just consequences will not be served. When you forgive yourself truly, you then understand that the decisions you make start with loving yourself. You seek ways of living a life authentic to your core beliefs. You support yourself by surrounding yourself with healthy friends, mentors and systems. These are some of the steps by which lasting benefits of forgiveness-work are cemented in your life.

Here’s your coaching take-away:

I encourage you to take a look at who you feel you cannot forgive and why. List one thing today that you can be grateful for about what happened between you.

For example: I now realize that because my father took my mother’s life so violently it forced me to go out on my own and find myself. If my mother had died in another way it may have bonded me to him and I would never be the extraordinary woman that I value myself to be now. I would not have found my path.

If you are not able to feel gratitude for an aspect of the experience yet, that’s okay. Be kind to yourself. This may be a deeply ingrained thought- and behavior-pattern you will be changing. Instead, think of something that you are grateful for. Right now, in your life, what makes you feel gratitude? This small step will break the downward spiral of negative thinking, and open your mind to the benefits of positive perception.

Why Forgive?

Benefits to Enjoy

1. Forgiveness allows you to release old resentments and free yourself from unhealthy ties to the past.
2. Forgiveness allows the creation of space in your mind and heart to invite more loving relationships into your life now.
3. Forgiveness opens the doors to a kingdom of peace which can last the rest of your life and feed you as you thrive in it.

Challenges to Overcome:
1. Old and limiting beliefs may be telling you to seek revenge.
2. You have people around you that enable you to continue to function as a victim. (They may mean well, but this is highly disempowering for you, and very detrimental.)
3. Change can be frightening and difficult; you will need to be brave and do the work.

Want a step-by-step process? “My Father Killed My Mother and Married My Aunt: Forgiving the Unforgivable” is your personal forgiveness tool and step by step guide to freedom. Get your copy at http://www.forgiveandbefreebook.com

I was never really someone who had to have a partner. (In the past it was a boyfriend and for the last 10 years it’s been a girlfriend).

As a matter of fact, I  broke up with my boyfriend one Valentine’s Day years ago because I just knew  the relationship wasn’t working, but he insisted we wait until the day passed and my upcoming birthday was over.

SO we did…we exchanged gifts …and then we broke up. Still hard to do…but necessary.

I’ve found over the  last few years that I’ve awoken to the fact that my partner is in a way-a part of me. She’s a reflection of all that I believe is good, bad, delightful and inspiring.

She mirrors my world for me so I can reflect on what’s working and what’s not.

The relationship is truly a gift.

That said – the way we met over 10 years ago and how we got together could never have been something I anticipated.

There were no law of attraction ‘secrets’ back then. Yes, the principal was there but I surely didn’t know it.

What I did is love myself.

Love all those parts in me that I thought were ugly, deceitful, mean, weak …you get the picture.

I had been attending a 2 year experiential Psychology Program (I received a Master’s degree in Spiritual Psychology) where I learned how to turn up everything inside myself that was not loving so it could be healed through loving awareness.

I stopped judging the people I had been judging for years.

The result–I felt better and no longer carried all that anger.

With the letting go -I felt a sense of freedom and delight and joy for life again.

And from that place of inner loving…and being completely okay not having a partner at the time – I met ‘the one.’

First-let me wish you the best Valentine’s ever-filled with a sense of joy and love.

Second: If you’d like to find out how I created the loving space within to make room for love to come to me (in the form of my relationship with my partner) I invite you to get take a look at Opening to Love.

Click here now to find out how you too can let go and let Love rule.

For just this week I’m also adding some special one-on-one coaching time with me as part of the home study program. And I’m not charging any additional fees for this.

At the end of this week I’ll be pulling that because I am working on some other exciting things and won’t have time to keep that bonus going.

To your loving…it’s an inside job.

Brenda

http://openingtoloveweekend.com

My mom died when I was 30.

Because of how she died, for all intents and purposes, (and you can see more about that here:

http://openingtoloveweekend.com)  I lost my dad  that year too.

Each holiday season comes around and there’s a mixture of emotions for me: Love, Loss, Regret,Forgiveness, Gratitude

Those first few years after my mom died were spent surviving through them with my remaining family members and friends.

I experienced a pity-party or two, choosing to spend the holidays alone  during a couple of other years, when I didn’t feel up to reaching out. The problem was that then I felt even more alone.

I always felt like an outsider when I visited my boyfriend or partner’s families.

I thought–they were loved by their family, but did anyone really care whether or not I existed.

I’m not proud of this as I write it, but it’s honest and I’m proud of that.

Actually, I feel a little shame coming up.

Being that I teach others how to forgive, even themselves, it seems I’ll be having to do those exercises myself after I finish this post.

It’s actually good to know that even though I’ve done years of work on myself there’s a spot of shame that’s been hidden until now. Now that it’s in the light I can address it and heal it.

I think it was just to0 raw to admit.

So, do I matter?

This year my partner is away with her family. I was supposed to go on the visit but opted out to get some extra work done.

It’s the first time in a very long time that I’ve had the time to truly be with my thoughts and my sense of aloneness during the holidays.

And frankly, it’s giving me a good opportunity to release some judgments, some baggage, some feelings of why I think  things should be different. One of the foundational principles of my forgiveness work is about moving into 100 % acceptance of what is and taking 100% responsibility for my life. Wow-I thought I did it all this work already-thoroughly. I guess there’s more because I am clearly not feeling at peace and that’s the end-result of my work.

Here’s some judgments that I’m first bringing to awareness and then forgiving. (You may want to try this yourself)

I forgive myself for judging myself as not perfect.

I forgive myself for feeling sorry for myself because my parents are dead and I feel like no one cares for me in that special way like they did.

I forgive myself for judging the feelings I’m having as wrong.

I know the key to experiencing joy is by releasing these judgments that I’ve been holding and also releasing yet another layer of shame.

The foundation of my teaching is about loving yourself and so today I’m going to set aside some time (maybe during my walk) where I’ll continue to surface and forgive judgments. Maybe I’ll have an ‘inner dialogue’ with each one of my parents and with my ‘inner child’ thereby releasing some of the heaviness that has clearly been living with me, underneath all the good that is present in my daily life.

Just by acknowledging these judgments I already feel a shift into embracing more loving for myself and for my partner for giving me this opportunity to be with myself in the space of authentic loving.

Happy holidays.

Brenda

http://openingtoloveweekend.com

Guidance for opening your heart to love

Instead, love all of you-every inch-you’re perfect and celebrate that by wearing something beautiful and colorful.

Unforgiveness-definitely not beautiful. It doesn’t wear well. It’s not a
classic look. It creates frown lines and fret lines and usually adds a
few unwanted pounds. Unlike forgiveness-now that’s cute, natural and
beautiful! What’s your opinion? Do you know anyone who wears unforgiveness like a badge?
It’s crazy, isn’t it? I think people hold onto unforgiveness (even though it’s making them look and feel bad) because they don’t know the secret—that releasing it makes them feel better. It’s not for the other person.

Question: Some do know the secret but choose to stay in a state of self pity- why?

Usually I think they are scared-they don’t know what will happen if they let go of their unforgiveness-it’s familiar. And they’re afraid to be hurt again. So much of this takes place unconsciously. My work is about bringing unconscious thoughts and beliefs to the surface in a safe way so that my clients can then make a choice to feel better by taking different actions.

Have a question about how unforgiveness is wearing you?

Ask below.

And join me October 13th for a Free Opening to Love introductory evening in Beverly Hills where you’ll learn how to clean out your inner closet (unforgiving beliefs that unconsciously and sometimes consciously determine how you feel) so you can look beautiful on the outside.

More info on my facebook page soon at http://www.facebook.com/ForgivenessandFreedom

Want the full  Beautiful Forgiveness Makeover?

Join me virtually October 23rd and October 24th for

Opening to Love: A Weekend of Forgiveness and Freedom.

In Love, Beauty and an Open Heart,

Brenda

Out of Shame. Into Forgiveness. Onward to Freedom.