Today I share with you something deep from my heart.
It’s from the first chapter of my ebook, My Father Killed My Mother and Married My Aunt: Forgiving the Unforgivable. The book is broken up into two parts: My Story & The Workbook (exercises and forgiveness tools)
Chapter One
Moving From Denial to Acceptance
“Though this be madness, there is method in’t.”
Hamlet by William Shakespeare
I went into shock after my mother was killed.
Shock is an interesting thing because you can appear from the outside to be functioning through it.
I put my mask of I’m okay on and went about my days. But I wasn’t okay.
Any moment that I could steal away to myself was spent sobbing, pleading with God to turn the calendar back.
I lived in a fantasy world, in the past. At night in my dreams my mother lived again.
I could see her walking down a city block just a few feet ahead of me, her back to me. I couldn’t speak but as I quickened my pace and caught up she’d turn a corner and be gone. In one dream, she stood on the other side of a fancy apartment and as I was just about to see her face, the middle of the floor caved in and she disappeared.
I clung desperately to the walls of the apartment so as not to lose my own life.
What a metaphor!
My world collapsed, my center was gone and there was a hole in my heart.
This may seem crazy, but today I’m grateful for those frightening dreams.
They were part of the reason I could get through the enormity of the pain I was feeling and stay functioning during the day.
The intensity of my sheer shock and suffering worked itself into and out of my system at night.
I stayed in this stage for three long years.
No one knew how to guide me out of my suffering.
My intention in writing this book is for you to know that you‟re not alone and that there is joy on the other side of this pain you’re feeling.
I invite you to follow the steps I’ve laid out for you here.
Healing is a process and I encourage you to take just one small step at a time, knowing that you are heading in the right direction, toward the light.
copyright Brenda Adelman
Get your copy and start using the tools right now HERE!
