Happy Valentine’s Day
I Love You
I love you. It’s true. And I wanted to let you know. I’ll tell you the real reason I love you below, but first I want to share some random love facts on this Valentine’s Day.
1. The Mexican chief Montezuma considered chocolate a “love drug”
and drank 50 cups of chocolate a day before visiting his harem of 600
women.a
(600 seems a bit much, but who I am to judge? I included this one because I am a super duper (dark) chocoholic and I definitely think it’s a love drug)
2. Getting dumped often leads to “frustration attraction,” which
causes an individual to love the one who dumped him or her even more (f)
(This explains why we act so crazy when we are dumped. Yup, been
there. Done that.)
3. Engagement rings are often worn on the fourth finger of the left hand because the ancient Greeks maintained that that finger contains the vena amoris, or the “vein of love,” that runs straight to the heart. The first recorded wedding rings appear in ancient Egypt, with the circle representing eternity as well as powerful
sun and moon deities.l
(Beautiful. I had to include this)
4. The word “lesbian” is derived from the Greek island Lesbos, where the poetess Sappho composed her famous poems to her famous female lovers.l
(Okay guys, I had to include this and if you’ve been reading this ezine for any amount of time…you know why. If not-ask me!)
5. Antidepressants may compromise romantic love because they enhance
serotonin levels. Higher serotonin levels blunt emotions and inhibit obsessive thoughts about the lover, both crucial components of love.g
(If you are having trouble in-love and are on antidepressants, you
may want to consult your doctor and adjust the dosage)
6. Scientists suggest that merely staring into another person’s eyes is a strong precursor to love. In an experiment, strangers of the opposite sex were put in a room together for 90 minutes where
they talked about intimate details and then stared into each other’s eyes without talking. Many felt a deep attraction for each other, and two married each other six months later.e
(This is a great exercise to do for even 5 minutes a day. Look into someone’s eyes. It is surprising how many people are afraid of the connection. I used to be like that and then I started acting in my
twenties and cured myself of my fear of revealing myself to someone else through my eyes. Nothing sexier!)
7. The urge to fall in love is, like sex and hunger, a primitive, biological drive.f
(Now that’s a strong drive. I say go for it…and do the inner work first so you attract a wonderful partner who respects and cherishes you.)
a Ackerman, Diane. 1995. A Natural History of Love. Vancouver, WA: Vintage Books.
f —-. 2006. “The Drive to Love: The Natural Mechanism for Mate Selection.” The New Psychology of Love. Ed. by Robert Sternberg and Karin Weis. New Haven, CT: Yale University Press.
l Schulz, Christine and the editors of The Old Farmers Almanac. 1996. The Book of Love: The Old Farmer’s Almanac Reconsiders Romance, Sex, & Marriage. New York, NY: Yankee Publishing Inc.
g —-. 2004. Why We Love: The Nature and Chemistry of Romantic Love. New York, NY: Henry Hold and Company, LLC.
e Fisher, Helen. 1992. Anatomy of Love: A Natural History of Mating, Marriage, and Why We Stray. New York, NY: Ballantine Books.
f —-. 2006. “The Drive to Love: The Natural Mechanism for Mate Selection.” The New Psychology of Love. Ed. by Robert Sternberg and Karin Weis. New Haven, CT: Yale University Press.
The first thing I tell my single life-coaching clients who are looking for love is that they must love themselves really well before looking for someone else to love them.
I say this because I’ve learned that most people who have been single for a long time are single for one of two reasons.
1. You have been hurt (in a past love relationship or by a parent) or
2. You are afraid of intimacy (because of how you were brought up or because you have low self-esteem). You’re afraid that if you show someone who you really are – you’ll be rejected. Loving yourself well means that you regularly think of yourself in a positive way, you treat yourself well by eating healthy, keeping yourself active, engaging your mind, challenging yourself to be your best, you take time to relax, make sure to have some fun, clean up your addictions (get help to do this if you need it), become conscious of your spending and saving, and make a commitment to live by your values (and spend time focusing on what’s important to you if you’re not clear).
It doesn’t mean you’re perfect. It may mean that you consciously look at your flaws and forgive your judgments of them. And love yourself through the process. Complete the process by letting go of the past and becoming present. If you need support, seek it out either locally, or shoot me an email.
The first thing I tell my clients who are in a long-term difficult partnership or having a difficult time within their love relationship is that they should look at what their partner’s actions or in-actions are telling them about themselves.
For example: Perhaps a partner’s lack of respect in communicating with you is pointing toward the fact that you haven’t been respecting yourself. If so, it’s time to put some healthy boundaries in place.
I’m not saying that the other person doesn’t have to take responsibility. That’s the last thing I’m saying. However, the only thing you have control over is you! That’s actually the good news.
You have more power than you think. Change yourself and change your life!
So why do I love you? I’ll tell you why. It’s not because you’re reading this, although I do appreciate you for reading this. It’s because You are me! Okay, let me explain. I believe that our outer world is a reflection of our inner reality.
One example of how this shows up is when you are feeling really angry about something or with someone and somehow this person keeps showing up in your life to trigger you, or maybe someone not having anything to do with that person comes into your life and starts ‘acting out’ with you. Is it your anger that created the hostile situation or that angry person to show up? I think so.
Have you ever noticed that when you are feeling peaceful and balanced you find yourself in more situations that are peace-filled too? I do.
When I was going to school for my master’s degree in Spiritual Psychology the President would always say, “Your outer world is a reflection of your inner reality.” I believe it.
Well, this leads me to tell you why I love you.
I love you because I truly believe that we are in this together.
We obviously share a common interest in forgiveness and loving and creativity and being the best we can be.
We want to live a life of peace and be filled with joy and have wonderful relationships.
This list of readers has grown since I started this ezine in 2008. I may not know each of you personally. I am always honored when I teach a teleclass and I get to know you personally through the work we do together. I am grateful for my life-coaching clients who inspire me daily. I am grateful to have been a guest on several of your radio shows. I’m grateful to those of you I met when leading a
workshop in your town or performing my one-woman show. I’m grateful to those of you I met in passing during my travels.
So thank you. I love you. Thank you for your willingness to listen and to learn. Thank you for the questions you email me which show me your honesty and your vulnerability. Thank you for posting on my forgiveness site on facebook and inspiring the community there. Thank you for purchasing my book and my Opening to Love program. I reveal myself deeply and very personally in those programs and I know you keep my story and my learnings with you closely. It feels safe.
Thank you for taking responsibility for your life and your lessons. Thank you for reaching out to me when you know you need more support.
Thank you for your courage, your strength, your struggles, your vulnerability and your authenticity. You inspire me and I love you.
Happy Valentine’s Day.
In the loving,
Brenda
P.S. What’s one thing you can do for yourself today that will show your inner precious you (the part of you that is conscious of reading this right now) that you love yourself? I’d love to hear what you’ve done or thought on my forgiveness community page on FB.
